i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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