Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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