so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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