soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
