I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
