he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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