How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
