So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
