I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
