I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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