They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i came on her dog
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
