You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize