Buhtt sex?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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