I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
