would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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