I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Randomize
