Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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