the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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