Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
