I looked at my own cervix.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
