Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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