where does the pee come out of this thing
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
