I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
