Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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