Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize