i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
