We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
