Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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