It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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