Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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