I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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