Will you blow on my dice?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Panties = found
Randomize
