Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
