Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
