oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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