is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
