I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
