No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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