Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize