I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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