I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
