I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
