meet me or not, i'm out of control
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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