Got a toothbrush?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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