so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
did i just pee glitter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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