why didn't you poke me back
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
