My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
