There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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