I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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