I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
