I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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