I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
