Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
