My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
