NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
