i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
