mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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