I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
