with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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