Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
