He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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