My nipple is on Facebook.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ttyl tear gas
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
