i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
