garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
